Successful Therapy

Finally!! Our schedules coincided and we were able to have therapy today.  There was a lot of whipping, smacking, flogging, whimpering, tears, yelps and even a "yellow".

The new harness ball gag was used today.  That thing freaks the hell out of me for a few reasons... first in my mind it's being reduced to a thing...taking away my humanity, second.. I can't give a color.  Even though I am His slave, we still use the color system and he takes them as suggestions that he may or may not take under consideration.. He has taken me past yellow in the past.  Lastly...to my great embarrassment...I drool profusely with it on.  The ball is like a large whiffle ball, it's a bit too big for my mouth, but can be positioned so it doesn't hurt my jaw.  No matter what though, I drool.  A lot. And it's humiliating.

Today he used a new toy that brought me to tears as quick, if not quicker, than a wooden paddle.  I'll have to try to post a pic of it.  It's like the handle of the whips he makes, it tapers down but no whip tip.  It's only about a foot (maybe longer?) long.  It is VERY stingy, a very hard, deep stingy.

I was nervous driving there.  The drive seemed to take forever, and then all of the sudden I was there.  I couldn't stop a huge grin as I was walking to his house.  I go through the garage to the stairs that take me into the basement.  I go straight to the bathroom to get ready.  I already had my belly chain, leather collar with tag, wrist cuffs and my black thigh high stockings on...I put the ankle cuffs on and the purple fox ears I recently got.

I go to the bottom of the stairs, take the slaver's kiss (Gorean slave position) hands outstretched with key to the new heart lock for the belly chain in them.  I can hear when Master comes down the stairs, I heard him pause...I had to try very hard not to fidget.  Suddenly I hear him go back upstairs!  I almost sat up to see where he was going.. I know I whimpered.  Of course he came back, came down to me, inspected me, took the key and lightly touched my back (finally!!).  I jumped... lol...I was waiting for it and it still startled me a bit.  He spent the next few minutes touching me; my arms, my thighs, my ass, felt how wet I was...lightly smacked my ass a few times, along with my inner thighs.  He pulled at the belly chain I was wearing (chainmail he made for me), and pulled at the back of my collar.

Eventually he told me to sit up and I could finally look into his eyes.  We sat there for a minute or two, smiling at each other...He told me my ears were "cute", asked me about my nipple piercings (got them done in March), making sure that there were no issues.  Soon he led me upstairs.  He sat on the couch as I sat at his feet.  We cuddled like that for a bit, until he took my hair in his hand and led me to the ottoman.

I think he started out with a paddle, which always hurt me the quickest, then switched to something that was even more stingy!  It was different though, it was a deep, heavy sting.  Usually when he uses toys on my back they don't hurt as much...not this one...it only hurt slightly less than it did on my ass.  I soon had tears in my eyes and was holding back more.  My face was buried in my arms.  He would pause briefly when I showed signs of a hit that pushed me, I soon cried "yellow".  Shortly after he moved onto floggers and worked over my back, ass and thighs.

My memory fogs a lot after that beating, I had a very difficult time focusing on anything so I'm sure I'll get the order of things wrong and will leave a few things out....but...

After he stopped, I know I was making horrible sniffling noises, because he asked if I would like to blow my nose..which I then had to crawl to throw the tissue away.  When I came back, he was still standing, watching me, and I crawled to him, resting the side of my head against his leg.

At one time he had rope around my upper arms and tied them together...which I loved.  There was lots of teasing, teasing with is fingers, with his cock.  Sometimes he would let me get away with pushing myself against his cock of fingers..sometimes I would get lucky and they would go inside of me...lol...rather I was lucky he would position himself just right.  A few times when I would try to push against him he would shove me away..back against the ottoman.  I almost thought he was going to smack my ass for it a couple times. lol

I'm not sure where in the timeline it was... but at one point we went into the garage and sat while he had a cigarette.  I sat next to him, cuddling.  When he was done he stood up in front of me and put his cock to my mouth.  I happily began to suck it.  He pulled it out and asked me if it tastes like "good girl pussy".  I told him yes and tried to take his cock back into my mouth.  He pulled away and said "what does it taste like?" I said "good girl" and tried again to reach his cock...again he pulled away. "good girl what?" he asked.  Finally I said "good girl pussy" (I have issues with saying words like "cock" and "pussy" out loud and actually very rarely do).  I was rewarded with his cock in my mouth.

We tried the new insertable that a friend of mine made.  It's a bit too long though and feels like it's going to fall out.  I can walk and crawl with it in, but as soon as I knelt with my legs open it dropped out.  I was so wet it didn't have a chance. lol

Master left the room and came back with the harness ball gag.  Told me to open my mouth, which I reluctantly did.  I immediately felt a bit panicky, intimidated, nervous, aroused,  He had his toys on the couch and told me to pick one for him to use on me.  There was a flogger, the scorpion (single tail with leather strip for a tip) and the new beater.  I almost grabbed the beater...not sure why...but ended up picking the Scorpion. Looking back, I know that Master loves flogging, but I also knew that the whip would hurt more, would get more reactions from me..more whimpers, gasps, and yelps.  I also knew that the whip would make me more desperate for him.

We went down stairs and he hooked my cuffs to the hook in the ceiling beam, the other hook had a rope down and wrapped around my thigh holding my leg up.  He used the whip on me..on my ass, legs, back, stomach...I lost track of where, just knew the pain.  Once in a while he would tease me horribly (which I have to admit that I loved every second of) and go back to whipping.  Each time he would remark about how wet I was.  He asked me once, after he paused to see if I had any tears yet, if I wanted him to whip me more.  I felt myself nodding yes.  After a bit he paused again removed the ball gag, commenting on how much I had drooled...he commented about trying to decide if he should whip me more or fuck me, looked at me questioningly.  I asked him to fuck me.  He said "no, I think I need to whip you more"...and I suddenly heard myself say "Please fuck me Master, Please, Please Master...Please fuck me".

Going back to the bare bones

I've been working on training myself to cum on command.  I believe that it has been working, but it has been slow goings.  Along with using the command, I have changed my methods.

I used to only play one way, one position, same method every time.  I would use a vibe sometimes, but every time I would focus on the end result without thinking about how I was essentially training myself to only be able to cum one way.

So now, I have eliminated using vibrations.  I use my vibe sometimes, but only as an insertable, I don't turn it on, and when I use it that's all I focus on until I get to a plateau, then I will throw in a bit of clit stimulation.  I have also tried sitting positions, laying on my stomach and even straddling a pillow while using an insertable.

I'm not rushing it though, I dont' really play when the kids are home since they are in the room with me.  I wait until the weekends when they are gone and do a different method or technique once a weekend.

I think it has been working very well.

Today Master told me to play roughly with my nipples and while I was stretching and twisting them with the piercings I got incredibly aroused (more than nipple attention usually get me) and needed to have something inside of me.  I asked if I could use my vibe (left off) and he said "yes, fill My pussy" (wich btw... I LOVE when he calls it His).  I used only the vibe to start and got to the point where I was so close to an orgasm, I just couldn't quite get get over the edge.  As I was still using the vibe I started playing with my clit and was able to cum in maybe a minute or two.  Up until recently it would take about 80% clit stimulation for me to cum.  Today it took 3%.  I would call that progress.

Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!

Yes...right now I would rather invoke the chaotic wrath of a zombified Michael Keaton than think about what I am missing out on this morning.  I guess you could say that Master and I are in a really bad run of canceled plans.  Aside from the group therapy we had almost a month (wow, has it been that long?) ago, it's probably been close to two months since I've had one on one therapy with him.

A couple of weeks ago when he was working third shift I drove over to meet him before work.  Back when my ex was taking the kids on a regular basis I would do that pretty often, now that my ex is only taking them 2.3 days a week, it's not so possible. Anyways...I met him in a parking lot that's on his way into town, I always wear a skirt when I meet him, but that night I wanted to dress nice...dress up.  I wore a black, short (I would consider it to be mini), snug skirt (same one I wore to the last munch) and an off white, lace tube top with two rows of wide ruffles at the top.

We taked for a while, and eventually he told me "I need to touch you", so I laid down with my head on his leg.  We were quiet; he pet my hair, touched my face, I closed my eyes and soaked it in.  I love moments like that.  He asked about my piercings (I have both nipples pierced, right one is fully healed, left one is a bit touchy yet), took a look at them, poked them while saying "beep"...which made me laugh.  He laughed, but because he knew that even those silly little pokes was enough to start to arouse me.

Time always moves too fast during times like that.  It's like we enter a time warp ("It's astounding, time is fleeting...").  Someone decides "Hey!  You're enjoying yourselves too much...time needs to move faster for you".  Really...whoever makes that decision...I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you stop making time move faster, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I wilI kick you in the nuts.

Hmm... well I feel a bit better now.   I guess that means it's time to take advantage of the fact that I still have a sitter this morning and start on some homework.  Have a good day!

Today needs a reset

This morning started out really rough, I really felt like everyone should just go back to bed and restart the day.

I was on the phone with HP and my school for almost an hour.. of course the majority of the time was on hold. I guess we're trying for Thursday late afternoon.  Keeping my fingers crossed.

I talked to Master for most of the day, as usual.  We reminisced a bit about some of our first conversations and our first time together.  Things have changed so much since then, we have both grown so much. 

I had to laugh when UPS made a delivery to the house.  My dad asked me "what are you getting from the armed forces outfitters???"  He thought it was for him until he saw my name on the package.  I decided to stick close to the truth.  I told him that a "friend" of mine makes whips out of para cord and that I had asked for one.  I ordered the colors I wanted and my "friend" added a few to the order to save on shipping.  Dad thought it was pretty cool... thought it would be fun to have a whip for the woods..mentioned that my brother has one of those survival bracelets.  I thought I had been pretty clever... and then realized that I'm going to have to borrow one of Master's whips eventually..dad will probably ask to see it.

Master and I also talked a little bit about different local events.  I told him that I would like to go to an event next year, either MTKF or Tryst.  I asked him if he thought it would be improper for me to go to one along.  He said "alone, yes.  With a trusted friend, no".  Which is pretty much what I meant.  I wouldn't dream of going to an event without knowing that I'm meeting up with someone Master trusts.  I'm definitely thinking about it.  MTKF is sold out for February, and as far as I know the next one is in July and the next Tryst is in August again...so I have plenty of time to decide and find someone that Master trusts to let me tag along and hopefully not be a burden.

I was hoping to to go the WALK munch this weekend, but alas, I work.  Maybe I'll kick it up a notch with my training while the kids are gone....we'll see.

Anyways... here's a question for you...  A year ago, if you had looked into the future, would you have recognized yourself today?

Saturday's Munch and Such

After finishing some homework on Saturday I went out of town for a munch.  I had spoken with a couple of good friends before hand about meeting them for lunch so I went early.  I was pretty excited, about both the lunch and a couple of new toys that I was going to be getting.  I had been working with someone that makes objects out of silicone and I was going to be getting the final product.

Master helped me to decide what to wear.  I went in a short, snug skirt with a reddish shirt with a very deep cowl and a blue tank top underneath.  After meeting the M/s couple I was meeting we walked a couple of blocks to the Middle Eastern restaurant.  I didn't expect DM to pay for my lunch after all, I invited them, but I wasn't surprised by it either.  He decided he wanted to sit in the lounge area on the pillows, and asked me if I could sit without flashing anyone.  That made me blush a bit..but I was able to sit without giving anyone there a peek. lol

We talked about a few things lifestyle, a few things not, it's always great conversation with them.  I love how they are around each other.  I told them about my new toys that I would be getting at the munch.  Ksst mentioned that she saw the pic the maker had posted of them.  I had made a comment on the pic saying I should hang mistletoe on it and then mentioned to DM and Ksst that Master had said the next time we go for group therapy with them that I could hang mistletoe from it.  They seemed to like the idea. lol

We were a bit late getting to the munch, but that was ok, I don't think anyone wanted to cut lunch short.  The munch this month was electrical play.  One of the members brought a violet wand with them.  Master got one a while ago, but it isn't as powerful (yay!).  I like ours, various glass attachments, a bit stingy without feeling too...electrical.

As soon as I got to the top of the stairs I was greeted and hugged tightly by the person I've been collaborating with for the custom mini dildos.  He showed them to me, I found out that his wife was quite jealous and wanted one for herself.  Unfortunately for her I liked them too much to give one up.
 (The order was originally for just one, and after finding out that it would probably fit in my butt, Master decided that I would need a second). 

I sent Master a picture right away and set them aside when the munch started.  I was texting Master a bit during the munch, the one that made the toys was saying they would be fun to hang an Xmas ornament from it.  I told him as well that T had a few other ideas as well.  Master asked me what they were, and I told him "Ummm, I forgot"(joking). He called me out for lying and said that he didn't like liars.  He told me that at that moment I was to find an excuse to go down to the bathroom and put one of the toys in my pussy.

My stomach dropped. I felt very... put in my place and very aroused at the same time.
How was I going to get one and take it downstairs without someone noticing?  I was on the other side of the room and the toys were out in the open on my jacket.  I asked someone where the bathroom was and tried to casually put my sunglasses down on my jacket and pick up one of the toys without it being obvious.

Coming up the stairs I was very aware of the new toy.  The length makes it very noticeable to have inside me.  It felt a little bit like it might work its way out eventually, which just made me clench around it even more.  It would be mortifying enough if someone realized one of the toys were gone... it would be even worse if the one I was using fell out!!!

So there I was... for the second half of the munch, standing there with a mini dildo in my pussy, clenching around it even though I was pretty sure it wouldn't come out.  Part of me wanted Master to order me to tell someone, DM and Ksst maybe since we both know them well and are close friends.  The other part of me was wondering if I was nuts!

I made it through the rest of the munch without incident, stood outside to waiting for DM and Ksst to come down so I could make sure to give them hugs and made my way home.

Training continues..

So I haven't been able to use the recording that Master gave me as often as I would like.  I use it every time.. just don't get the opportunity to...play...very often.

I feel like it's working well, the other night, just after I had played it, maybe 3 seconds later I accidently pressed the "play" button again and heard the command. Since it was so soon I was still orgasming, but when I heard the command again, it definately got stronger again.  I feel like there is a link that is being established, but I'm reluctant to try the command on its own yet. 

Still no laptop...

I think HP has pissed me off to the point that I'm just going to use the laptop until the motherboard fries so that way they are forced to give me a new one.  After what that tech said... they deserve it.