Today needs a reset

This morning started out really rough, I really felt like everyone should just go back to bed and restart the day.

I was on the phone with HP and my school for almost an hour.. of course the majority of the time was on hold. I guess we're trying for Thursday late afternoon.  Keeping my fingers crossed.

I talked to Master for most of the day, as usual.  We reminisced a bit about some of our first conversations and our first time together.  Things have changed so much since then, we have both grown so much. 

I had to laugh when UPS made a delivery to the house.  My dad asked me "what are you getting from the armed forces outfitters???"  He thought it was for him until he saw my name on the package.  I decided to stick close to the truth.  I told him that a "friend" of mine makes whips out of para cord and that I had asked for one.  I ordered the colors I wanted and my "friend" added a few to the order to save on shipping.  Dad thought it was pretty cool... thought it would be fun to have a whip for the woods..mentioned that my brother has one of those survival bracelets.  I thought I had been pretty clever... and then realized that I'm going to have to borrow one of Master's whips eventually..dad will probably ask to see it.

Master and I also talked a little bit about different local events.  I told him that I would like to go to an event next year, either MTKF or Tryst.  I asked him if he thought it would be improper for me to go to one along.  He said "alone, yes.  With a trusted friend, no".  Which is pretty much what I meant.  I wouldn't dream of going to an event without knowing that I'm meeting up with someone Master trusts.  I'm definitely thinking about it.  MTKF is sold out for February, and as far as I know the next one is in July and the next Tryst is in August again...so I have plenty of time to decide and find someone that Master trusts to let me tag along and hopefully not be a burden.

I was hoping to to go the WALK munch this weekend, but alas, I work.  Maybe I'll kick it up a notch with my training while the kids are gone....we'll see.

Anyways... here's a question for you...  A year ago, if you had looked into the future, would you have recognized yourself today?

Saturday's Munch and Such

After finishing some homework on Saturday I went out of town for a munch.  I had spoken with a couple of good friends before hand about meeting them for lunch so I went early.  I was pretty excited, about both the lunch and a couple of new toys that I was going to be getting.  I had been working with someone that makes objects out of silicone and I was going to be getting the final product.

Master helped me to decide what to wear.  I went in a short, snug skirt with a reddish shirt with a very deep cowl and a blue tank top underneath.  After meeting the M/s couple I was meeting we walked a couple of blocks to the Middle Eastern restaurant.  I didn't expect DM to pay for my lunch after all, I invited them, but I wasn't surprised by it either.  He decided he wanted to sit in the lounge area on the pillows, and asked me if I could sit without flashing anyone.  That made me blush a bit..but I was able to sit without giving anyone there a peek. lol

We talked about a few things lifestyle, a few things not, it's always great conversation with them.  I love how they are around each other.  I told them about my new toys that I would be getting at the munch.  Ksst mentioned that she saw the pic the maker had posted of them.  I had made a comment on the pic saying I should hang mistletoe on it and then mentioned to DM and Ksst that Master had said the next time we go for group therapy with them that I could hang mistletoe from it.  They seemed to like the idea. lol

We were a bit late getting to the munch, but that was ok, I don't think anyone wanted to cut lunch short.  The munch this month was electrical play.  One of the members brought a violet wand with them.  Master got one a while ago, but it isn't as powerful (yay!).  I like ours, various glass attachments, a bit stingy without feeling too...electrical.

As soon as I got to the top of the stairs I was greeted and hugged tightly by the person I've been collaborating with for the custom mini dildos.  He showed them to me, I found out that his wife was quite jealous and wanted one for herself.  Unfortunately for her I liked them too much to give one up.
 (The order was originally for just one, and after finding out that it would probably fit in my butt, Master decided that I would need a second). 

I sent Master a picture right away and set them aside when the munch started.  I was texting Master a bit during the munch, the one that made the toys was saying they would be fun to hang an Xmas ornament from it.  I told him as well that T had a few other ideas as well.  Master asked me what they were, and I told him "Ummm, I forgot"(joking). He called me out for lying and said that he didn't like liars.  He told me that at that moment I was to find an excuse to go down to the bathroom and put one of the toys in my pussy.

My stomach dropped. I felt very... put in my place and very aroused at the same time.
How was I going to get one and take it downstairs without someone noticing?  I was on the other side of the room and the toys were out in the open on my jacket.  I asked someone where the bathroom was and tried to casually put my sunglasses down on my jacket and pick up one of the toys without it being obvious.

Coming up the stairs I was very aware of the new toy.  The length makes it very noticeable to have inside me.  It felt a little bit like it might work its way out eventually, which just made me clench around it even more.  It would be mortifying enough if someone realized one of the toys were gone... it would be even worse if the one I was using fell out!!!

So there I was... for the second half of the munch, standing there with a mini dildo in my pussy, clenching around it even though I was pretty sure it wouldn't come out.  Part of me wanted Master to order me to tell someone, DM and Ksst maybe since we both know them well and are close friends.  The other part of me was wondering if I was nuts!

I made it through the rest of the munch without incident, stood outside to waiting for DM and Ksst to come down so I could make sure to give them hugs and made my way home.

Training continues..

So I haven't been able to use the recording that Master gave me as often as I would like.  I use it every time.. just don't get the opportunity to...play...very often.

I feel like it's working well, the other night, just after I had played it, maybe 3 seconds later I accidently pressed the "play" button again and heard the command. Since it was so soon I was still orgasming, but when I heard the command again, it definately got stronger again.  I feel like there is a link that is being established, but I'm reluctant to try the command on its own yet. 

Still no laptop...

I think HP has pissed me off to the point that I'm just going to use the laptop until the motherboard fries so that way they are forced to give me a new one.  After what that tech said... they deserve it.

Broken Laptop

Sadly my laptop is STILL out of order.  I could use it for about 30 minutes...but if I do that there is a chance I could end up frying the motherboard...which would be much worse.

So I guess this blog is to be continued... (I know..the suspense is killing you)

Canceled Plans

I think one of the hardest parts about plans being cancelled is the disappointment.  Not mine, but His.  Life is busy, especially for him and I know he gets upset when other sides of his life interfere with the side that I am involved in.  I don't like it either... who would?

It's been a few weeks since I've seen Master, it's been since we went to visit another M/s couple out of town.  Of course we talk every day, and we've even talked on the phone a few times..but that doesn't help the need to see him face to face.

I kinda get stuck on the fence sometimes, I get stuck between wishing that I was a bigger part of his life, and being happy with what I have and not wanting more.

I think the hardest part for me on days like today is the reminder that eventually, one day, this will have to end.

Ranting on a bad night...maybe a little jealousy

Ugh... so I decided to go to my cousin's wedding in bumfuck Wisconsin.  It was ok to start..I guess.  I knew nobody except for my mom and a couple of her sisters (and my cousin of course)...which meant-nobody to talk to.  I kept getting the feeling that I was being looked at.. not really stared at by anyone in particular, but there were a lot of people looking at me..whispering to the person next to them... even a couple pointed fingers!  What was wrong?  Did I have a bat in the cave?  I still don't know.

Things got worse when they started playing music... song #1 the chicken dance, song #2 the macerena, song #3 barbie girl...seriously WTF?!?!

To top it all off there was a guy there that looked EXACTLY like my ex did when I first met him...no... not just looked like him...acted and talked like him.  My mom actually hauled me over by him to ask if he was a "Miller boy"...and proceeded to tell this stranger that he looks "just like my daughter's soon to be ex"...really mom?? we had to tell him that?  Then later on she's trying to get me to dance with him.

I was already feeling shitty while I was there...This girl gets 2 weddings and what did I get?  Eloping in a bar and my first (and only) dance was with some stranger that walked in the door that my new "husband" pushed me towards and said "dance with her...nobody else wants to".

I soon made an excuse of having to get to the hotel to finish homework...claiming it's going to take a few hours.  Really it's only going to take one...maybe less.

I really hope that tomorrow is going to be a better day.