Broken Laptop

Sadly my laptop is STILL out of order.  I could use it for about 30 minutes...but if I do that there is a chance I could end up frying the motherboard...which would be much worse.

So I guess this blog is to be continued... (I know..the suspense is killing you)

Canceled Plans

I think one of the hardest parts about plans being cancelled is the disappointment.  Not mine, but His.  Life is busy, especially for him and I know he gets upset when other sides of his life interfere with the side that I am involved in.  I don't like it either... who would?

It's been a few weeks since I've seen Master, it's been since we went to visit another M/s couple out of town.  Of course we talk every day, and we've even talked on the phone a few times..but that doesn't help the need to see him face to face.

I kinda get stuck on the fence sometimes, I get stuck between wishing that I was a bigger part of his life, and being happy with what I have and not wanting more.

I think the hardest part for me on days like today is the reminder that eventually, one day, this will have to end.

Ranting on a bad night...maybe a little jealousy

Ugh... so I decided to go to my cousin's wedding in bumfuck Wisconsin.  It was ok to start..I guess.  I knew nobody except for my mom and a couple of her sisters (and my cousin of course)...which meant-nobody to talk to.  I kept getting the feeling that I was being looked at.. not really stared at by anyone in particular, but there were a lot of people looking at me..whispering to the person next to them... even a couple pointed fingers!  What was wrong?  Did I have a bat in the cave?  I still don't know.

Things got worse when they started playing music... song #1 the chicken dance, song #2 the macerena, song #3 barbie girl...seriously WTF?!?!

To top it all off there was a guy there that looked EXACTLY like my ex did when I first met him...no... not just looked like him...acted and talked like him.  My mom actually hauled me over by him to ask if he was a "Miller boy"...and proceeded to tell this stranger that he looks "just like my daughter's soon to be ex"...really mom?? we had to tell him that?  Then later on she's trying to get me to dance with him.

I was already feeling shitty while I was there...This girl gets 2 weddings and what did I get?  Eloping in a bar and my first (and only) dance was with some stranger that walked in the door that my new "husband" pushed me towards and said "dance with her...nobody else wants to".

I soon made an excuse of having to get to the hotel to finish homework...claiming it's going to take a few hours.  Really it's only going to take one...maybe less.

I really hope that tomorrow is going to be a better day.

Training Day 2 (meant to post it yesterday)

I've been thinking a bit today and talking with Master, and I think that even if the training doesn't result in cumming on his command, I think that it will make it much easier to cum with him in general.  Hearing his voice at that moment is making a connection to him.  The other thing that I started thinking about is what I think of when I play.  Usually it has always been random... maybe a pic I saw, something from a porn, sometimes BDSM related, other times not.  Last night I focused on "therapy" that I've had with Master in the past.  I think that between the two changes it will help.

Training for cumming on command has started!

So... after seeing it in action, Master wants to try to train me to cum on command.  I'm a bit nervous about it since I still have a very difficult time cumming at all (unless I'm by myself).  It was suggested to me that I should  try saying a command when I am about to cum, or using a noise.  At first I thought how fun would it be to cum at the sound of a bell!  But then, I remembered how many bells I could potentially wear at one time (nipple bells, bells on the chainmail top Mater made me, possibly some on the arm bands, the new toy that's being made...either way a lot of bells) I thought that might not be a good idea.  Though I 'spose the tone of the bell could be different...but anyways..bells are out.

It felt really odd to "command" myself to cum...so Master recorded his voice for me and sent me the file.  Now all I have to do is have it ready on my phone and push a button when it's time.  Tried it for the first time today, my timing was a bit off... but that's going to happen no matter what and it will get easier to time it out the more I try it.

I will be playing the recording anytime I play to help the process along.  I really hope that it works.

New toy being made!

I'm so excited!  I'm having a very dear friend of mine make me a new toy!  It was supposed to be a Christmas surprise for my Master, but I needed his input on how to keep it safe and a materials to use.

A friend of mine makes things with silicone and I asked him a while ago to make an egg for me.  Granted it's not shaped like an egg.. but that will give you the general idea of what it is.  I have a remote vibrating egg now, and I guess I could have used it for what I wanted, but what fun is that?!?   Plus I wanted it to be a bit longer that what I have.

Anyway, I just got word that the mold is done and he will soon be pouring the silicone (soon as in the next few days. lol).  It's going to be about 4 inches long (which is why I wanted it out of silicone) and 1.25" wide. He will be putting a loop of weed wacker line (thanks for the idea Master!) to make it easy to remove.  The other reason for the loop is that I'm going to be attaching bells to it somehow.  Master loves the sound of jingle bells and I flinch and fidget a lot, so I'm hoping the bells with sound while he's beating me, while I'm crawling behind him on a leash, maybe when I'm walking (depends on how long it is) and while I'm waiting for him (not so patiently) in a slave position.

In the baking mood

So apparently I've been in the baking mood.  In the last month I would estimate that I've made at least 9-12 dozen cookies.  Most of them have been a chocolate chip and Andes mint chip, but tonight I'm making pumpkin cookies.  I have the fixins to make my usual cookie, but thought I would switch it up for the holidays.

I think everyone is getting tired of my baking.  I take cookies to work, to the kids' daycare, leave some at home... they go everywhere.  Who makes just one or two dozen cookies at a time?  Pffbbt!